Mood Swings and Things

“Don’t believe everything you think, it may just be a mood swing.”

I have an addiction.
The need for it won’t stop until satisfied.
When I see it, I have to have it.
Once I get it, there’s no telling how long I’ll use it…
I have an addiction.

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Yes, this is me swinging on a playground and yes I’m an adult…wait, what’s that?! HA! Anyway, it’s something I LOVE to do in my free time. I’ll even crave it and feel this NEED to swing. I always wondered why I love it and why it feels like a necessity… like an addiction. Then I found this… there is current research that shows how swinging helps with balance, coordination, body awareness, calming, focus, sensory integration, and get this …. it even boosts your mood.

Hmmm… why do I crave the sensation of swinging? Am I allowing this up and down roller-coaster ride of my emotions to run my life? Do I crave swinging because my emotions feel like it finally has agreeable company with the up and down gravity pull of a swing?

“Don’t believe everything you think, it may just be a mood swing.”

“What exactly are you thinking about?” This question came to mind… while swinging of course. It was an intriguing question… “What do you think about, Kristan?” Honestly, I didn’t know what I thought about everyday, I had no idea actually. The only answer I could come up with was, “My mind does whatever it wants.”

It thinks what it wants, daydreams whenever it wants, calls me hurtful names whenever it wants, keeps me up at night for however long it wants… this “mind” is not mine, trust me. I have no power over this awful, hateful thing that puts me down, bosses me around, condemns me, repeats painful memories of my past, makes me doubt my future, discourages me, holds on to offences and much more. It’s completely detached from me and in no way can I trust it. It’s always confusing me, and if you still haven’t figured it out yet let me make it clear…

MY MIND IS MY WORST ENEMY!!

I didn’t have control or power over my mind, I didn’t even know it was possible to have control over it. It ran the show and legit had a mind of it’s very own. I spent most of my time arguing with it, telling it to be quiet, and to stop treating me like this. I wanted to end it’s life so the voices would just stop for once!

My mind was the abuser and my true self was an easily targeted victim.

When did this happen? When did this war begin to rage within my mind? I was a blind soldier in darkness with no protective armor, no weapon of defense and definitely rendered as being not in sound mind. However, there was definitely sounds, all I heard was sounds, sounds of voices… mean voices, threatening voices, condemning voices, hateful voices, unforgiving voices, and voices that created fear within me. These voices had me looking behind me, to the right of me, and to the left of me but there was no physical body in sight to blame

… so it must be me, right? I must be doing this! I must be to blame!

Wait?! Am I really telling myself these hurtful things that I could NEVER even say to someone else? Am I discouraging myself? Am I condemning myself?

Am I my own worst enemy???

How can I live in my own skin if I not only hate myself, but am actually acting out in hateful ways towards myself every minute of every day? This isn’t the beautiful life God created me to live. His promise wasn’t “You are fearfully and wonderfully made– except for your mind, that thing was NOT made by me, it sucks, it actually hates you.. so, good luck my dear child.”

NO! God didn’t say that! God promised an abundant life, full of joy, compassion and love.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

So then WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?!

Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on this earth. Colossians 3:2

RECAP and REVELATION: These voices had my eyes focusing on what was behind me, to the right of me, to the left of me, yet never once did these voices have me focus on what was above me.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6

THERE IT IS!!! My problem wasn’t found in a “what” but more of a “who.” Who was my problem you ask? Well, I was right about it being an enemy of mine, but it wasn’t who I thought it was. However, this enemy I speak of was winning this chaotic and toxic war because he did in fact deceive me to believe that I was the problem.

Don’t believe everything you think, it may just be a mood swing… or the enemy.

My whole life I blamed myself for EVERYTHING and it started since I could remember at the age of 5 years old. Here’s the thing about this enemy…he likes getting a hold of us when we’re young so he can make us think we’re just “born this way.” Born with depression, born with anxiety, born with discouragement, born with bitterness, born fatigued and exhausted, born with disease, born rejected, born lost, born unhappy, born unlovable, born fearful, born to be abused, born angry, born confused, born broken, born with no purpose, born with no value…

…born as a victim.

Not only does the enemy get us while we’re young to devour our still developing mind, he also gets us anytime we’re following God’s word. Satan wants nothing more than for God’s children to be down and feel like we’re drowning because as long as we’re there gasping for air, he is creating a pool of confusion, doubt, fear, and waves of insecurities. So instead of focusing on what is above, the purpose God has for our life and the love he has for you and I–our focus is on the high waves and just trying to stay above Satan’s flood of lies and deception.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Ephesians 4:14

It’s so easy to start seeking approval and validation in this world because we want to know if we are, for lack of better words, “doing good.” Are we a good daughter, a good son, a good father or mother, are we a good friend, a good student, a good employee, a good boss… simply put, are we a good human? Getting validation is how we are raised on this earth whether it’s grades, a college saying yes or no, our reputation, a job promotion or demotion, our income, our achievements, followers on Instagram. I mean come on… there is validation meters everywhere… no wonder why we are wired at a young age to NEED IT in order to feel approved by society.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your MIND. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is– His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Here is what God is teaching me and what I still need to remind myself daily–as hard as it is to want to feel important and liked by this world and whoever it is that think they run it by creating a list of impossible standards…

…fitting in and being like the world is NOT a goal God has for us.

God is not concerned with us being “good,” He cares more about the depths of our heart and being obedient to His word. Seeking things out of our flesh and of the world will never fulfill us. Trust me, I had the fame, popularity, and somewhat of validation as a NFL cheerleader… and I was still unfulfilled (we’ll get more into that in another post on another day). God created all of us differently so we could make a difference. How can we ever make a difference in this world while being just like the world? We can’t…we have to be different. Being a “people pleaser” can prevent us from living in our true identity. When we live to please people we are basically telling God “I fear man more than I fear you, therefor, I live for man over living according to your word.” YIKES!! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in these chains any longer.

And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. 2 Peter 1:4

So be different, knowing it’s actually a beautiful thing. Stand out with virtue, stand out with your joyful spirit, stand out with your kindness to all, and be courageous enough to stand out and stand up for your faith without fearing those who will mock you. Be the YOU God created you to be with a bright, shining light and with a smile that no one can steal or destroy- not even the enemy with all his might!

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:11-12

When I read this, my physical eyes and the eyes of my heart were opened! I had been allowing Satan to feed me lies for pretty much my whole life without me knowing it was him doing it. I was actually living against my very nature and design because God created me with LOVE, in LOVE and for LOVE- not hate.

Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on this earth. Colossians 3:2

Have you ever been mindful enough to study what you think about? Well, I tried it and it’s not easy! Especially if you’ve fallen into the same mindless habits and enemy filled pathways like I have. It takes a lot of consistent persistence to gain control over your mind again. DON’T WORRY though, it is very possible with God the father on our side, the power of the son Jesus within us and you and I being good managers over our mind, body, and heart.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right. whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8

There is a reason why we are warned and guided to be mindful of what we think about. The enemy is a master of his schemes and personalizes his attacks towards us and it starts in our mind. If we can recognize the onset of the enemy and be prepared with the full armor of God, we can relieve ourselves from the ups and downs of our thoughts and moods.

 Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life. Proverbs 4:23 

These are books that have really opened my eyes and helped with discovering how to gain control over my mind and love who I am. If you like reading, or even if you don’t, these books are AMAZING, written by amazing people and will have you feeling encouraged.

-Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer

-Switch on your Brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf.

-The Living Word AKA: The Bible

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. Philippians 4:6-7

The next time Satan tries to enter poisonous lies into your mind, you start to compare yourself to others, and/or you begin to doubt why you’re here and what your purpose is, Join me with this pledge-

(I made it rhyme so it can be easy)…

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So whether it’s mood swings or the enemy being thrilled by pulling my strings, I have decided to turn the mood swinging into thanksgiving and worshiping. The enemy and I may have had a pretty long fling with many lies that left a serious sting, but NOW I will do my best to be mindful of things above and with my whole heart sing and cling to the one and only true thing- Jesus Christ the living King- who has a perfect plan, perfect timing, and loves me more than anything!!

Oh, and one last thing. If you need me, you can find me at the playground…

I’ll be the girl on the swing.

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will set your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

14 Comments

  1. Kristan, I don’t know where to start. Wiser words spoken from such a young soul, I have never heard. You are a beacon of light in a world turning very dark. God has chosen you to share His love, plan and promises with all. I am so very happy for you and I will continue following you in your journey and your mission.
    May God continue to bless you and your family!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omgoodness! Now I don’t know where to start! Thank YOU so much for taking the time to send me this beautiful encouragement! Your uplifting words mean so so so much! Thank you again!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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  2. You are an image of god. Which makes you perfect in every way. He did not give you anything you cannot handle, sunshine.
    This is beautifully written, every word.
    💙

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love reading scriptures and this story had a lot of them ! Thank you cousin kristanann! You are an amazing young lady keep sharing and spreading the word of Jesus!!! I love Joyce Meyer read that book and have some of her study cds! TD jakes has some really good books also!!!
    my question is if you are my cousin here on earth would you be my sister in Christ?
    Just wondering!
    Pamela Gwynn

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww!! Thank you for sending this! So glad you’ve read it and thank you for sending more recommendations for me to read! Haha and I believe you are correct, we are sisters in Christ! 🙏🏻❤️✨

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  4. Wow, praise God! I am so glad that He has transformed your heart, mind, and spirit completely by His abundant love and grace. It was God Who spoke through you in this kind and encouraging message. It has definitely encouraged me to pray consistently, and to read and study His Word in depth so that the enemy’s lies may flee from my mind.

    I’d like to take some time to share how I came to this blog. My name is John, and I am from Texas. I’ve been very interested in NFL football, and I happened to come across the Miami Dolphins franchise and its players since January 2017 (along with the Texans, Cowboys, and the Patriots). Besides the players were the cheerleaders, and I heard Miami Dolphins had one of the best cheerleading squads in the NFL. After that, I visited the social media profiles of some of the cheerleaders (I do apologize if this is privacy) to find out more about their background.

    Then I came up to your social media, and my heart was filled with joy and gladness when I read some of your godly and Christ-centered posts. You are blessed, my sister in Christ. Even though having been a professional cheerleader brought many struggles for you, God has a unique purpose that is much greater than you can imagine. I am very certain that He has equipped you with different spiritual gifts in order to advance His Kingdom, shine your light through Him, make a godly difference in this world, and share the Gospel to those who don’t know it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WOW!!! How amazing! That is such a God guided journey for you to stumble upon my account. Haha and no it’s not private!

      Thank you for being so open, honest and encouraging! I hope your interest in the NFL comes to life, whether it’s a fan, reporting, or even as a football player. Follow the path God has for you, as I’m sure you’re praying about like me!

      Being a cheerleader meant so much to me. I was able to make a difference in the community and spread love all around the world .. and then God asked me to walk away. I will soon be telling my story about the cheerleading life but I learned about obedience to God and the closeness you feel when you not only believe in Him and the son Jesus… but you actually walk with Him.

      Thank you again for such a sweet comment! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

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  5. My friend Kraig shared your post and as I read it I thought of myself but moreso my young 8 year old son who has anxiety and so hard on himself. I took him out of school and am homeschooling him for the year. With that, I have printed out all of your referenced scripture and that will become our bible study for this school year. Thank you for your words, your wisdom and your honestly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww my goodness!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 I am so sorry! I can relate and understand what his mind must be doing and your empathy you have for him! There is hope, love and power through Jesus! Everyday is a battle but if we keep on going, soon we will overcome❤️❤️
      It was hard for me to admit that our thoughts create our reality. Our thoughts run our life, so I had to take control and will always be learning!

      Thank you for sending this message to me. There are other books you should look to aside from the ones I listed. Here are some: The body keeps the Score, The perfect You, and The secret! 🙂

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  6. First of all, I’ve got to say that is a very powerful message and you write really well. I can tell God is trying to tell me something as my preacher talked about this same issue at church recently. I have actually been struggling with some issues related to this recently and I know that God is always speaking to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aww I am so sorry to hear about your struggles, but then again I’m not because I think you are so bold to be vulnerable and bring it up AND God is able to make us strong in our weaknesses. As you read in this blog, you see that you are not alone. Thank you for sending a message and I am saying a prayer for you.. right now! There is a light in you and you will be okay- the enemy has no room in your mind anymore because God is about to fill you up with the fruit of the spirit!! God loves you and cares for you and that is why you feel Him near speaking to you! Sending beautiful healing your way, hope and lots of love!

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      1. I wanted to let you know that this past week I have really noticed a change in my life as God has been at work in me and He has been helping me through my struggles. I first had to surrender the things that I had been holding on to for too long, and I also have been letting God take control of all aspects of my life. I have always relied upon my strength too often, but this week especially I’m stepping back and letting God take control. Thanks again for praying for me, I know that helped a lot.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you for praying for me. I know that God is going to do great things through my weakness. I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future, as God is doing great things through you.

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