An Unhurried Journey

Many years ago, I found myself anxiously sitting in a modeling agency.

I wore a bright colored shirt and white jeans. That day, I got told that I should never wear white again and to only wear dark colors because I was already “too big.”

That same day, any confidence I had was exchanged for insecurity.
That same day, I threw away those white pants I loved so much and did exactly what I was told.
That same day, I made the first of many mistakes to come… I handed the keys of my worth into the hands of the entertainment business.

Here’s the truth about the entertainment and beauty industry… it’s actually ugly. Your success SOLEY depends on their opinion of you. Over time, those opinions become your holy grail as you fearfully search for approval and before you know it, every “no” turns into self-hating and body shaming while every “yes” introduces a mind-altering compromise.

These…these moments are nonrefundable.

In between sets feeling empty and catching mascara filled tears… yet the photoshopped picture showcased a confident smile.

Trapped & overwhelmed.
Uncentered & disempowered…

I walked away from that industry, but walking away was not walked without tears of confusion and a personal fight with God… because I didn’t want to leave. Well, at least my flesh didn’t, but in spite of my bad attitude and tossing myself into a rage of comparison and worry- God still went before me and rescued my soul as I surrendered in obedience to serve Him instead of fame.

After years of saying “I’m not allowed to wear white pants,” I actually got a pair and beyond that, I wore them in public today.

I’m 27 years old and just beginning on an unhurried journey of becoming undone no matter the chaos, of unlearning every negative thought the entertainment business led me to believe about myself no matter the struggle, and to throw out the most damaging rulebook no matter the uncertainty.

This is something I’ve been praying to lose…to lose anything that takes my focus off of God. To never let a compliment go to my head and to never let rejection go to my heart. To remain grounded and believe God’s truth over all.

As silly as it may sound…today, today I wore white pants.

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3 Comments

  1. Great wisdom in your words, that God gave you.. Reminds me of the scripture, “In Me you have peace, in the world you have tribulatuon…but Take courage, I have overcome the world.”

    Like

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