I looked ahead…
I looked ahead, with fear.
I looked ahead with fear because there was a time when I thought that anything and everything that hurt me was meant to break me and was on purpose, like I was a targeted victim.
Well… well, I was half right.
The things I went through, the darkness, the rough waters, the brokenness, the storms, the losing of friends, the confusion and chaos… it actually did, 100%, happen on purpose, AND not only on purpose, but for a purpose… a greater purpose.
The other half, the half where I was wrong… was a lie I believed about being a targeted victim.
Again… I was only half right.
As Christians, we may be targeted, but we are most definitely NOT victims.
This life isn’t easy, but then again, do we really want it to be? If there were no hard times, our faith would never be tested, which means our faith would never be made stronger, which means our growth would never be in Christ.
The more my world turns upside down, the more worship songs are downloaded and my praise is turned up.
The more weighed down I get with attacks and lies, the more I’m lifted up by God’s comfort, promises and truth.
The more my weaknesses label me as nothing in this world, the more His strength is labeled as my everything.
As I decrease, God increases because He is abundantly greater than I… greater than I could ever be.
So after I face it.
After I allow myself to feel it…
…to feel the pain vulnerably.
After I embrace it and show love and compassion to my humanness.
After I listen to my doubts and let them have a chance to speak.
After I allow my fears to escape out of the trapped re-runs in my mind.
I stand up.
I stand firm.
I wipe my tears and…
And I say with joy, “Okay God, I’m ready.”
My feet have a sense of readiness, my heart is full of compassion and tenacity because I know the one…
I know the one who is preparing me.
I know the one who is molding me.
He is the one who not only goes before me, but who stands with me.
I know the one whom I’m living for.
You see there is no wave coming your way that God has not already taken your hand and guided you to walk on water.
There is no storm thrashing towards you that you have not been led into a secret hiding place under His protective wing.
There is no harm the enemy has intended to destroy you with that God has not already been using it to design you with.
There is no weapon that shall be formed against you that shall prosper.
I have a lot of human in me. I’m not perfect and I don’t even desire to be. If I set aside disappointment and pain, if I pushed away my mistakes and was not transparently human… then I wouldn’t need God. I have to accept and face it all. I am so beyond imperfect and I so beyond need the loving, forgiving, all powerful, Almighty God.
So, I wipe my tears, and I look ahead.
I look ahead, full of light.
I look ahead, full of trust.
I look ahead, full of joy.
I look ahead, full of faith.
I look ahead…
I look ahead, gracefully anchored, humbly saved, prayerfully invested, wholly surrendered, beautifully chosen and with a smile… trusting God’s timing and God’s way over my own.
I look ahead…
I look ahead with the enemy behind me, and begin walking… walking from victory.