“If you were really a Christian then you would just forgive already instead of needing time. You’re a pathetic b**** and a liar.”
It took me years to realize how deceived I was to believe these words. I exhausted myself tolerating mistreatment and was too afraid to speak up because of a lack of knowledge. For anyone who has been made to feel “too sensitive” or have struggled with a people pleasing spirit, here’s what I’ve learned.
1. Some will use manipulation to belittle your pain so they won’t be held accountable for their behavior. God gave us a heart to love and forgive, but a mind to know when it’s time to do so from a distance. Trust is earned and you’re not a doormat, you are so stunningly strong.
2. God created us to be real. Sometimes we feel broken and not okay. And guess what… that’s okay.
Not being okay, doesn’t mean you lack joy, love or need to feel guilty for having feelings. It means you’re strong enough to be soft, soft enough to be vulnerable, vulnerable enough to be honest, honest enough to be REAL and real enough to show up. (Keep doing that).
3. Sometimes forgiveness takes place from a distance. Safety is a necessity for any relationship and you don’t need to waste your energy around abusive or toxic people who disrespect or disregard your boundaries. You have more value and it would be a disservice to your beautiful heart to just “tolerate” your way through life.
4. Healing is a process. It’s okay to need time to heal and it’s even more okay to ask for what you need.
So, just because someone is going through a process of healing, it doesn’t mean they’ve stopped loving.
Healing takes time… don’t judge yourself or expect to be over the pain instantly. Healing is not a light switch… it’s a process.
If someone loves you enough to vocalize that they need time, remember it takes two. So when this happens… and it will because we are all worthy of love and forgiveness, be thankful, reflect on your part, respect the time, trust the process and create a safe place for both to bloom.
Don’t let a sin against you produce a sin within you. Forgive, but remember patience, self care/love and boundaries.
Boundaries baby, boundaries.