Lose it All

And after a while…
…After a while you learn that fear can only drive you for so long before it has to face your God.
That even the water you need to survive can also drown you in a rapid flood.
…And after a while you learn that hiding because of your insecurities only exposes you more.
That even sunshine burns you if you get too much.
…And after a while you learn that the applause from perfecting a role still doesn’t lead you to accept the parts of yourself you don’t clap for.
That even awards, fame and being known by the world, still can’t fill the hole of feeling lost.

…You start to lose it all.
You become okay with losing, losing everything you thought you had to earn… to receive love.
The roles you played.
The masks you wore.
The titles you got.
The script you memorized.
The uniforms you modeled.
The truth you hid.
The lies you believed.
And you sulk in the chaos of nothing… of nothing but the dirt in which you’ve cried and the ground in which you’ve kneeled, praying in paralyzing nothingness.
And in this nothingness… you somehow find the poise of a grateful heart and begin to move. Still on your knees, but you move and begin to plant your own garden.
You begin to nurture your own heart and add life to your soul.
And you do this…
You do this instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you create this beautiful, colorful world of healing and growth… of purpose and meaning… of faith and hope… of depth and truth.
Each rounded corner clothed in softness and perseverance, like petals in bloom.

And from this you learn…
You learn that you too can take up some space.
That you too can breathe in some air.
That you too can soak up some sunshine.
That you too can taste the refreshing water from a flowing river.
That you CAN endure.
That you really ARE strong.
That you HAVE worth.
And you learn and you learn…
You learn the beauty and purpose in the wait and the process of growth and healing.

And after a while…
After a while you learn that it all comes down to this…
You are still…
They are still…
WE are still…worthy of honoring our soul…
…Honoring our soul with love, especially in the season of nothingness.
After all… nothing is impossible with God.🌱

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