Silencing Insecurity

I was recently at a woman’s conference to kick off Donna Gibbs new book, Silencing Insecurity… intrigued?🙋🏼‍♀️
Surrounded by a hundred women I didn’t know made me anxiously scan the room while pretending to read each tea bag label until I found a place to sit. (🙄I didn’t even want tea).
…Anyone ever done that?👀

I thought I found the perfect table until I got there and tripped over the chair.🤦🏼‍♀️
Wanting to hide… I stumbled into another table next to a sweet lady whom I now know of as, Shelley.

Fast forward to mid conference after hearing relatable and truthful words from Donna, I thought in my head how badly I needed to read her book. I knew it would bring me insight and hope in this dark place, but was quickly reminded how I couldn’t afford to buy it. It was in that minute, Shelley whispered, “may I please give you my copy of Donna’s book?”
I was speechless, “Did I say my thoughts out loud… did she just read my mind?”

At the end, I filled Shelley in on everything and she looked up with tears in her eyes as if she already knew, as if God already told her and she said with a warm smile, “Isn’t that what God does.”

Rewind 30 minutes, Donna asked me to write 5 negative thoughts I had about myself and title it “I AM.” To be honest and vulnerable here, I wrote 12.
12 thoughts that rob me and own the pathways in my brain… thoughts you would call “the enemy’s lies,” but to me they were true, they were my reality and they were LOUD!

Donna proved to me that Satan CANNOT steal my worth, but he CAN steal my perception of my worth.
…and he did.
The first “I AM” I wrote was, “I am unworthy of all good things from God… love, healthy relationships, blessings…etc.”
But that morning God revealed Himself through a walking angel who gave me something good, something filled with hope, something from Him.
…I guess sometimes God purposely trips us so we purposefully stumble into where we’re meant to be.

This healing journey of unraveling, unlearning, feeling unseen, being unrehearsed, and at times unsolvable is terrifying but I keep holding on even through blurred tearful eyes… I hold on.
I hold on because of this one thing, hope.

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