Surrendered Faith

For the revelation awaits an appointed time.
Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.
…Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength.
-Book of Habakkuk

After reading these words over and over again today, I had to leave my bible open in the sunlight due to my uncontrollable tears. I was toe to toe, at a face off… to forfeit or surrender.

At the time, forfeit to me meant giving up and giving in to the lies. Surrender meant letting go of control even though the lies were louder than truth.
…Today, I surrendered. Rather than running the distance, I fought the resistance of wanting to give up and my cry out to God has now been baked within His promises by the sun.

I can’t tell you the tears stopped falling, or that the roaring of the lies were silenced, or that doubt has disappeared… I can’t tell you that, because today…. today all that is still there, but in the midst of it all…after I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, I was able to inhale and exhale, “okay God.”
Even though I felt like I was losing my mind… I made this one decision, with a thousand tears, to be taught a lesson of surrendered faith rather than forfeiting my growth in Christ.

Sometimes we mistake God’s timely silence with painful avoidance, but today, while stuck at a crossroads I saw an opportunity to be taught a lesson of faith… a lesson of surrendered faith. A lesson of trusting in His timing and removing the “what if’s” while replacing them with “even if,” …even if you have to cry out the words like I had to.

So whether God leads me to grow in a valley or on a mountain top, whether I have a lot or a little, whether my insecurities remain or be taken away, whether things change or the walls stay the same… The Sovereign Lord will be my strength and even if it kills me to move my lips and make a sound of rejoice with my quivering voice… I will do it.
I will do it, because I know His ways are better and Great is still His name.
To Him my heart belongs and His love must be enough for me.
I’m learning to wait with surrendered faith❤️
Jeremiah 29:11🙏🏻

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