Sound the alarm

Growing up, I was molded into the Christian woman that society thought was best, you know the type… selfless, agreeable, unopinionated, under spoken and completely submissive… the “good girl,” that everyone called “nice.”

At age 29, something in my gut feels so icky about this box. I realize “icky” isn’t much of a mature word, but it’s enough… enough for me to trust that being quiet doesn’t make me “good” and that there’s a difference between being kind and being “nice” and being submissive doesn’t make me “nice” and being selfless doesn’t sound like a woman with boundaries and being under spoken doesn’t sound like the women in the bible who courageously spread the miracle message of Jesus raising from the dead.

Now don’t get me wrong, it was warm in this box growing up. I felt safe, well liked, and even decorated the walls. But it created a pathway that anytime another box would come into my life, I wouldn’t mind shrinking into a doormat because I was use to squeezing into boxes anyway, you know, making myself small. I choose the word “use to” and not “comfortable” because sure I was use to biting my tongue but trust me, the bite marks that left scars were very uncomfortable and well, icky.

I remember when I spoke out publicly about my years in the NFL and the messages I battled against.
“Stop causing trouble, you’re making too much noise,” “you’re nothing but a woman, you’re suppose to be quiet,” “you’re not the nice girl I thought you were,” “what you’re fighting for is worthless and no one cares about cheerleaders, they’re just sex objects,” and my personal favorite “Kristan, you’re not a real Christian, you’re Eve in todays world, you’re to blame for every male’s sexual sin in the world. You’re a fake and deserved what happened to you.”

Did I cry? Sure did!
Does that make me too sensitive? No, it makes me aware… it means I was paying attention.
I heard how people were talking about me and the women who I love and am fighting for.

People have asked “well what’s the secret to putting an end to it?”
My answer is very simple… I don’t believe there is a secret to it because quite frankly, I don’t believe Jesus Christ is much of a secret, maybe an avoidance, but not a secret. People have just left the conversation as soon as it touched on something that’s unhealed inside of them.

I have paid attention to how women and Christians are “expected” to be by people who hide behind religion. They don’t realize God never asked for actors or actresses, just for our hearts… just what’s real.
And I’ve pissed a lot of them off by being a Christian, a NFL cheerleader, and a transparent woman who speaks up and I’m not finished yet.

For all of you out there who feel “icky,” don’t allow society to guilt you, a box to shrink you, a negative comment to quiet you or enemies to scare you. To make a difference, you must break the box and become different and some people don’t like that, because you’re setting off an alarm in a world where they’re still wanting to snooze.

My advice… grow your faith, spread light and love, break the box, piss em’ off and sound the alarm anyway.
…To the women out there who are making noise, let’s wake em’ up… together.

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